Day 86

I’m back from my D&C.  I was really happy to get it over with so now I can move on.  I’m still doing okay, although I’m frustrated with having to wait two more months to start again.  Also, my doctor recommended that I don’t do the triathlon.  Apparently there was a study done that said that people who run (e.g., me), have a harder time getting pregnant/keeping the pregnancy when doing IVF.  That seems counterintuitive to me.  I would think that exercising would be good for you.  Anyway, I’ll just swim and bike instead.  I’m still determined to get back into shape before I start my next IVF cycle.

But, for today, I went to McDonalds for dinner.  I figure if I have to go through a miscarriage, I can enjoy fries and a shake without worrying about the calories.

Tomorrow we’re going to meet with the therapist.  I feel okay mentally, but I want to make sure I address all of the emotional pain before I move on.  I think it is a healthier thing to do than just moving on.

I have seen many pregnant woman/people with infants in the past few days, but surprisingly I haven’t been devastated by it.  It isn’t going to help me any if other people aren’t happy. 

I also have been getting comfort from the fact that my husband and I are managing to move on.  Undoubtedly we’ll experience more pain and loss in our lives, and it is great to know that we have the emotional resources to deal with it.

Tomorrow, as always, is another day.  I’m looking forward to it.

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2 Responses to “Day 86”

  1. Kate Says:

    *hugs* I am so sorry.

    I am only speaking from what I’ve been through and what others who have been through have shared. The grief comes in waves. Sometimes it hits, sometimes it washes away. Its hard to predict when it will come… and one friend said she was fine for two weeks and then two weeks later sitting in a meeting she let out a cry and covered her mouth as tears rolled down her face as it fully hit her. We’re each differnet. I’m glad to hear you’re going to talk to a therapist. I know its helped me to do so.

    I applaud your wonderful attitude, just know, that if you are feeling down, or are grief stricken- its okay too. It’s normal to grieve for what you lost and what could have been.

    *hugs*

    • movingonfrommiscarriage Says:

      I totally agree with you. The pain is like this nagging little feeling inside that sometimes you can push down, and sometimes you can’t. I’m finding it’s worse in the morning and the evening. It really helps having things to look forward to. Today my husband and I are going to an antiques fair. Saturday we’re going horseback riding. I know this is going to be really really difficult, but there’s not much to do except get on with life. By the way, Kate, what’s your next plan? Are you doing an IVF cycle?

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